The Day You Die, I Cry
by debookworm01
Summary: ...I dreamed you died, Alec..." My first Malec fanfic! Constructive criticism welcomed! May be OOC. Please R&R. Rated T cause I'm paranoid, and for swearing in later chapters. WARNING: Angst.


**Author's Note: OK, this is my first Malec fanfic so there is most probably out of character... ness. LOL. But PLEASE R&R so I can know what you all think. Oh, and lastly, this fanfic is dedicated to Lady Nephilim because I know how much she loves Malec. :)**

Magnus Bane stared at the child and his mother as they walked across the busy Brooklyn road, hand in hand. The traffic had stopped, and was quickly building up to slither down the street and around the corner. The air was dirty from the car fumes, which had created a hazy mist, fogging up the windows of the cars and other vehicles. The little boy was smiling gleefully, attempting to grasp hold of a stray butterfly which had flown in on the wind. Its patterns were mesmerising, almost as if it was from a dream. The mother tugged at her child's hand, scolding him and urging him forward. But he wanted to see the butterfly, the way it flew so easily, like it didn't weigh anything at all… A driver behind the wheel was becoming agitated. He honked his horn menacingly; the light had turned green. The boy was still half way across the road… a car streaked down an empty lane, oblivious of the child as he laughed and leaped at the bug. His mother was looking the other way, groping in her handbag for her wallet. The car was speeding closer, much faster than the speed limit. But it felt like an hour for Magnus. Without hesitation, he zigzagged through the pulled up cars, and grasped the child tightly in the crook of his elbow, then soared onto the footpath with grace very much like a cat's. The people in nearby cars gasped in shock as the car sped right over the place where the boy had been only seconds before. The mother screamed, then turned to shakily thank the mysterious man who had appeared out of nowhere, but he was already gone, a mere trail of glitter left behind him. The other cars began to move as she tugged her little son close. One ran over something brown, before a bunch of various dollar notes flew up into the air.

The butterfly fluttered on its way again, from where it had been perched on a nearby lamp post. It was as though it had been watching, as though it had caused the whole incident...

Magnus continued running, determined to never cross paths with anyone else ever again. He didn't care what had just happened; he just wanted to lie on his bed and never see daylight again. And perhaps he deserved that, as everything he tried to fix, he destroyed. Everything he tried to make happy, he saddened. He was a mistake, never supposed to be made onto the Earth. And everything he did just made it all a whole lot worse. For instance, the one man he had only ever truly loved was destined to die. He knew that. Wasn't everyone? But this was different. He had given his heart to the other, and they had given theirs to him. But Alec's heart wouldn't beat forever. Yet Magnus' would.

That little boy, he knew, would be forever grateful to him, but hadn't Magnus caused it in the first place? It had been him that had sent the butterfly, as a shining beacon to lighten the boy's day as he gloomily went to the barber's. Why was I even there in the first place? He thought suddenly, realising how out of character he must look. Why was he in the mundane world, with a glamour over his eyes, when he could have been out throwing a party with some downworlders and perhaps even shadowhunters to boot? He shook his head, and kept running. He knew he had thought about the shadowhunters for a reason. If he _had_ thrown a party, Alec would have been first on his list. He stopped in midstride as he pictured those beautiful, baby-blue eyes, and dark long hair that always covered them. He hoped one day he would have to honour of brushing it out of the way. He had reached his home. Sighing, he opened the door and hung up his fluoro green coat he had been wearing. Chairman mewed in greeting to him as he picked up the small black and white cat lovingly,

"You're always there for me aren't you?" he whispered, stroking the feline's soft fur, "No matter what happens, you're always there." He remembered the day he had found Chairman Meow, at his doorstep mewing sadly as it snowed lightly outside. It had been Christmas Eve. Occasionally Chairman would leave, for a few days maybe even a week; Magnus never knew where he went. But he always came back happy and unscathed, ready to rub against his owner's leg,

"Where _do _you go, darling?" Magnus asked his cat, eyes staring at nothing in particular. Chairman just purred, his eyes half closed, digging into Magnus' chest with his head for extra warmth. Magnus smiled slightly, causing glitter to fall onto his pet's fur. He set the cat down onto his bed, before wondering how he had even walked in there. He took of the remainder of his clothes, with the exception of his purple boxers, and flopped down onto the bed also. He didn't have the heart to brush his teeth, or have a shower. Yet, as he lay there, tracing circles absent-mindedly on his smooth chest, he realised he had no desire to fall asleep anyway.

* * *

_The corridor was dim, nearly black, but he continued to walk down it. He could hear screaming, the scream of someone familiar, and he quickened his pace. It was as though the person was everywhere. But no, the heart-wrenching sound was just reverberating off the walls. _

_It's Alec, Magnus suddenly realised, horror-struck. He began to move faster that he thought possible, his cloak billowing behind him. I'm coming, I'm coming darling, he thought, before the screams stopped abruptly. Magnus froze then began running even more swiftly than before. What if he was dead? Was it good, or bad that Alec had been silenced? But the corridor didn't end. Its black walls all looked the same, so it was impossible to work out whether he was making any progress or not. But he __**must **__have by now, it felt as if he'd been running for hours. He heard low whimpers, like a dog that wanted a treat,_

"_NO! PLEASE NO! STOP –" someone shouted. But it wasn't Alec. Magnus struggled to distinguish whose voice it was. But then he knew; it was Jace, though it didn't sound like Jace at all. There was another cry, louder and more pronounce this time, a bang and then a yell earned from Alec's parabatai. And then Magnus knew Alec was dead. He stopped running, and then, too, yelled in anguish. But that was nothing compared to what he felt inside of him. Inside it felt as if his heart had just been ripped out of his chest and stamped on by a million people, only much worse. Inside it felt like he was drowning in his own tears, yet he wasn't dying, he was living through the choking and the lack of air. He gasped and fell to the ground, clutching his chest and stomach in agony and loss. And then a door appeared out of nowhere, with Jace masking the opening. Through his legs, Magnus could make out the dark, red blood that was Alec's, and then, he cried out again: the lifeless body of Alec, splattered with blood, his eyes glazed over with mist. Jace suddenly came running towards Magnus, his eyes full of fire and fury as a menacingly growl erupted from his throat,_

"_You!" he whispered, his eyes glinting, "This was your fault! Al – he wouldn't be dead if it wasn't for you!" Magnus struggled to breathe as he stared up at Jace's mutinous glare,_

"_J –Jace, I'm so – sor –" Magnus stumbled over his words miserably but the young teen towering over him didn't accept the apology. Still glaring with those golden hate-filled eyes, eyes that had seen too much death; he brought his foot hard against the side of the warlock's skull, as a loud crack breached the bitter silence…

* * *

_

Magnus sat bolt up in his bed in shock, kicking a sleepy Chairman Meow off in the process. The small cat hissed angrily, and then skulked away silently. Magnus sighed; he didn't know what had awoken him so suddenly. However there were brief flashes of Jace's deathly face and his own harsh breathing flicking through his mind. He glanced down at his pillow and noticed dully that it was covered with glitter,

"So much for not going to fall asleep," he said silently, hopping groggily off the bed and wiping his eyes. But it didn't matter too much, he didn't mind cleaning.

An hour later his sheets were clean and he had had a refreshing shower. He glanced at the clock, which read 7:00am. He had slept through most of the previous afternoon and night, but he'd needed it anyway.

What had he even been doing out that afternoon anyway? He racked his brains, but got nothing in return. Chairman meowed loudly, jumping up onto the kitchen table and began staring at a photograph of Magnus and Alec,

"Why thankyou sweet one," Magnus said affectionately rubbing between his cats ears. He remembered now: he had been going to the Institute, or, at least, trying too. His emotions were quite mixed what with Alec kissing him at Glass City, yet still having feelings for his parabatai, Jace. Alec said he was over Jace now, but Magnus knew he hadn't quite let him go just yet. It would just have to take time…

There was a nudging at Magnus' fingers from something soft and smooth,

"Oh yes! Alright I'll feed you," he murmured distractedly to the black and white cat, which in return purred loudly and rubbed against his knuckles. He would go see Alec today, he decided. After all, it _was_ slightly concerning that he hadn't gotten any texts from his loved one lately. _Slightly_, he thought sourly. But nothing could be helped unless he actually did something.

Shaking on some extra glitter to his spiky black hair with green streaks, he stared at his appearance in the mirror. Gorgeous as always, a voice sounded in the back of his head, which loosened his stress noticeably. He didn't bother to put a coat on; it was nearly midday, and wasn't too cold. Besides, he reminded himself, coats ruined his complexion. He already had a glamour on, just to please the mundane out there, so with that he left. As he closed the door, he heard a yowling from inside and suddenly felt rather guilty. He had forgotten to feed Chairman Meow.

* * *

The Institute was just across the road. It shot up high into the sky, looking very beautiful as the sun shone on the windows, reflecting off in all directions. He walked across the road, dodging cars as they drove past. That was Brooklyn, busy roads even in the morning on a weekend.

The doors were just as beautiful as the whole building itself. It was calfed carefully with shadowhunter runes and swirls which he couldn't read. He was just about to knock before the left door opened. It was Alec,

"I saw you coming," he said quietly, nodding to his boyfriend,

"Alec," Magnus said, also nodding.

"I know you can't come in here," Alec continued, stumbling on his words slightly, "So – so I thought I'd meet you." Alec forced a smile, but it turned into more of a grimace. Magnus smiled suspiciously,

"That's very kind of you sweetheart," he said stiffly; but he knew something was wrong.

"I –"

"I –"

They both talked at the same time, but Magnus waved his hand to let Alec go first.

The shadowhunter took a deep, unsteady breath, as though unsure of what to say. Finally, he whispered,

"Magnus, I think we should not be together anymore. That's why I haven't been texting or calling you. I was hoping you would come over so I could say it to you face to face." He looked up into Magnus' cat-like eyes, which had slowly begun to fill with tears,

"I was going to say – I was going to say I needed to talk to you – _because _you haven't been texting me," Magnus whispered, "and because I wanted to know if you'd let Jace go."

Alec stared at him,

"Magnus, I'm sorry. It just won't work. I _do _still have feelings for Jace. But that's not the only reason. My mum and dad want me too, and on top of that, it's a disgrace to all the shadowhunters and, isn't – isn't even legal."

Magnus choked in shock, but then regained himself, angry,

"I thought I meant a little bit more to you than your _parents_ or the _law_ Alec Lightwood," he hissed menacingly, "but if that's what you want then fine. Ask out Jace and I can happily watch him reject you."

"Magnus I –"

"No! You know something," said Magnus, suddenly remembering his previous night, "I had a dream about you. I dreamed you _died_, Alec. But that's not the only thing. Jace was there too. Only there was something about him I didn't notice before. He was _old._ Therefore, you obviously had been too. Jace had come out of a room and screamed at me, saying it was completely fault that you had died. And now I realise it was. It was my fault you had passed away from old age; Death had taken you. I had lived you to death."

Alec was at a complete loss of what to say, so all he could do was listen.

"So maybe it is good that we stop seeing each other. I won't live you to death; you'll die happily in someone else's arms." His tears fell freely now as he turned away to leave.

"Wait!" Alec called from behind him, but Magnus hardly heard his him.

The warlock didn't stop walking even when Alec began to stride along beside him. He shook his head as glitter fell onto the pavement,

"Alec, please, your disgracing the Clave and your parents." Alec cocked his head to one side, but the High Warlock ignored him,

"I don't know what you're talking about," Alec said finally, realising that Magnus wasn't going to answer to any head gestures. Magnus made an impatient noise from deep within his throat,

"Open your _eyes_ Alec! If you think what someone is, is more important than what they share with someone else, then I think you've got a bit of growing up to do!

"If you really think that then maybe you should just stop _following _me and go back to your blonde guy friend!"

Alec stopped walking, causing Magnus to stop as well. As he turned wretchedly around, he hadn't realised Alec _actually_ thought that. Slowly, his gaze rested again on the only person he had ever truly loved, as a stray tear fell limply down his cheek. Alec was shaking his head as though in slow motion. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but Magnus beat him to it,

"OK, Alec, if that's what you want," he whispered, before turning around to walk back the way he had come.

This time, he wasn't followed.

**Please R&R!!!**


End file.
